well most of my day revolves around power hour
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
