stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
