I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
