I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My life is pants optional.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
