Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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