Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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