tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
