there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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