Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
