Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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