i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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