GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
