just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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