We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
