did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
whose parrot is this?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Randomize
