We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
tell me about the fingering
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