You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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