I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's blow job season.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
