Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
