He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
