Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
