I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
