I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
