oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
