my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
