I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
