I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
