I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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