My hand turned me down
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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