I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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