If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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