I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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