Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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