he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
