My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
