oh god the rape fog is back!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
