Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize