I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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