Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
