I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
