this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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