Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
