i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
