Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
