I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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