shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
