btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You may now shotgun with the bride
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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