bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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