That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
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Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize