Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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