Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
