Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
