Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize