How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
