This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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