He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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