It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
