my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
