is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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