I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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