I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
