The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
