He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
