4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
