Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
