your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
