I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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