I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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