I met the friendliest cop last night
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???