How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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