it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
