I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I supernannyed him into submission
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....