Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.