i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im so drunk with asians
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
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I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
COCAINE IS GR8