dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He? As in you personified your dick?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
