ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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