so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize